Who do I blame? The blame game is lame by name because the same is the aim of the lame...to be lame.
If you didn't get that, don't worry. It's a flow thing. Some things are best heard, not read.
So what is this post about? It's about weights.
Not body building. 'Ahnold' has proved that it isn't permanent. But there are weights that do make a permanent improvement on your life, be it your outlook on life, your pain-threshold, your bullshit detecting abilities, your powers of observing calm in a storm...these do not leave you the same.
I'd like to share 3 with you in very brief form:
1) I'm the father of a love-child
2) I'm a writer in Nigeria
3) I'm a workaholic
1) I love my daughter. It doesn't look like it on the surface, but it is because I know that calm, not panic, is what the baby needs from her parents. There are costs that come with having her in my life. As a love-child, there are certain costs that are neither private nor welcome...but I compare it to making a $17tr deal (Sounds astronomical? Give it a year or two. The FGN always finds a way of humbling the astronomic). It won't be easy, but only you know what value you attach to the deal and it won't happen for a quitter. Trust me. HiTV? Quit just as soon as he started because of tunnel-vision. I'm not knocking him because he 'failed'. I'm knocking him because people wanted, no needed, him to succeed and he didn't put business before pleasure when he needed to. That's a sign of a quitter (acquire and squander).
2) I'm a writer in Nigeria and I can't explain how it is to a non-writer, even to my parents (who have more degrees between them than all my former senior colleagues in Zenith bank. How? Just believe. The rest is an unfair display of the short-comings of Nigerian society). Do I write brilliant work? I wouldn't say I don't, but I'm one of the myriad of strong talents of Nigerian blood.
I've had to exercise my creativity to venture my writing into (#NoLie) Advertising, Radio, Television, Documentaries, Short film, novels, short stories, magazine articles, New Media, News, publishing, production of electronic mass media content (this is different from writing, trust me or ask someone who knows), contributing to collections of short stories by new Nigerian writers (google comicbanditpress. Dem be badass guys led by a brother who knows the struggle), business plan design, song-writing, the Ghenghen (go to www.thesghenghen.com), team-leadership...the list isn't endless but I'm thinking of the people I have to thank for risking my involvement in their industries, them plenti no be small.
Writing wouldn't have taken these forms in my life but for the challenges in my life like rent, food, water, phone bills, BIS, etc.
I'm grateful for the battles lost and won, but I'm also grateful for the war itself. It defines me better than a desk-job.
3) I'm a workaholic.
I've been in need of a fully paid trip to anywhere outside of Nigeria for the last 3 years. Even if it is a writer's residency for when I wake up and smell that Lagos metropolitan air, I know that I have to defend my right-to-life for the next 6 months 'now'. It's like being at DEVCON-2 as soon as you wake up.
I intend to keep waking up though, just that it would be nice to wake up somewhere else that isn't 'in a 'state of war'.
So what do these weights do for me?
My daughter let's me know that any achievements are no excuse to believe I don't need to eat tomorrow.
Being a writer let's me know there is a better way to get my writing across, so it is my job to find it because I can.
Being a workaholic let's me know I can handle any work pressure within my field of competence.
Are there any other weights?
Well, I have a very decent BMI.
I'm lean of body, not of soul.
I have a huge appetite (for what? Don't ask, I can't tell you everything)
And like you, every day ends with me having a list of people I have to forgive.
To quote Ben Affleck: You can't keep a grudge.